Mother’s Day recently passed and Father’s Day is just around the corner. These holidays prompt us to reflect on family. What does a healthy family look like? Proverbs 17:6 tells us: “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”
Now, grandparents agree with this verse wholeheartedly, as do us parents. But what about our young children? After our middle school kids stop rolling their eyes, we may get a glimmer of a smile and some small acknowledgement that we aren’t idiots all the time. Kindergartners, sure, we walk on water. Luckily, this verse doesn’t tell us that siblings have to be proud of each other! We’re only human after all.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Family is messy, and as Jerry Seinfeld said, “there’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.” Family is chaos, noise, busyness, competition, frustration, laughter, tears, and … love, like no other. Family is a blessing.
Sadly, not everyone has a happy or even stable family this side of Heaven. There is evil in this world, and it often rears its ugly head in serious family dysfunction and even abuse. But there is no place so dark that the love of God cannot shine on it. When earthly families are failing, we can turn to God’s family. In Christ, none of us are orphans; none of us are unloved. Ephesians 1:3-8 teaches us that Jesus has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. In Him we are blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, forgiven and redeemed. Stop and think about each one of these attributes and what it means to you. This is who God says we are. We are loved – completely and unconditionally – forever. And the love of Jesus pursues us. We are precious to Him.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
In our own family, we have some experience with adoption and all that it means. Zach Carter and his wife, Misty, felt the call to adopt. Sometimes a calling is a slow process. A seed might be planted long ago. It takes time to germinate. It grows slowly, steadily, and in some cases, many years pass before the fruit is ripe for the picking. So, you persevere, you keep going and you wait.
We always wanted 4 children. We discussed it early in our courtship, long before we were married. We were on the same page. Life blessed us with 3 wonderful children. After the birth our youngest child, without going into details, we decided that we were done. The dream of 4 would only be 3… yet, God had His own plans.
There is a joke in our household. It revolves around the words “Make it Happen.” So much so, that I have a paperweight with those words on it in my office. Usually it goes like this:
Misty: “We need to move out of Illinois.”
Zach: “Make it happen.”
In 2017 we moved from Illinois to Tennessee, which is when the seed was planted. When I turned aside from my comfortable northern home, I can tell you I was scared. I was facing a new opportunity, a new role in my career. I was worried about being able to support my family, and all the other concerns surrounding moving to an area of the country that I had never been. Honestly, I was wondering what I was doing. But I look back today from this side of the story, and I see God’s hand in it all. He moved me here. He has put people in my life that have helped me make a career, helped me buy a home, and He put people in our path that had already opened their homes to children through adoption and foster care. Throughout everything, God’s hand was there paving the way and opening doors. The seed was starting to grow. I did not see it at the time, but He was always there, walking with me.
Misty: “We should get involved in foster care.”
Zach: “Make it happen.”
So, Misty started to volunteer her time taking photos for Tennessee Belongs to help facilitate the foster care of children here in Tennessee who need homes. This experience really touched her heart and prompted her to reopen the discussion of child #4, which in my book was a distant memory.
Misty: “We should foster a child.”
Zach: “No.”
You’re probably thinking what?? Where’s the Make it Happen?? The “No” was followed by “Not yet.” Family is the most important thing right now. A permanent family. I didn’t want my kids (4, 8 and 9 at that time) to see us bring someone in only to have them leave. Looking back, I can see clearly that this was the moment fruit blossoms began to bloom on a young tree that had been steadily growing from that seed planted several years ago.
Misty: “We should adopt then.”
Zach: “Make it happen.”
And boy, did she!
The adoption ecosystem is a world of its own. It is not an easy process. There are heartaches. There’s anticipation. There’s disappointment and anger. Sadness. We went for almost an entire year, praying each time we submitted to a case that this will be the one, only to receive a no. We were left dejected to the point of saying, “I guess it’s not meant to happen.” Again, God had His own plan.
Most people remember a match day. I honestly don’t. But I remember the joy after we received the call that we were matched. The joy of learning a birth mother wanted us to raise her child, because she wanted her child to be raised with a family – with sisters and a brother. This child was projected to be born in late April or early May of 2019.
There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues… are created, strengthened and maintained.
To continue the metaphor, the fruit on the tree was ripe on Easter day: April 21, 2019. What grace! Amelia Lee Grace was born, and she became our longed for child #4. Our Heavenly Father, in His perfect timing, placed our precious daughter in our family, changing the course of her life and ours for the better.
Once we adopted baby Amelia, she immediately became a Carter, entitled to the same inheritance that our other children share. She is no less a family member because she is not biologically related to us. And while many will comment on how fortunate she was to be adopted into our family, we must disagree. It is we who are fortunate. Amelia enriches us. She is one of the greatest blessings God has ever bestowed on us and we will be forever grateful. And now, as our family has experienced this awesome blessing of adoption firsthand, Ephesians 1:4-5 holds even deeper meaning for us. Those verses teach us that it was God’s pleasure and will to adopt us into His family through Jesus. As adopted sons and daughters in God’s family, we immediately inherit all the blessings and riches that Jesus Himself enjoys. Let that sink in. Jesus deems us each worthy to be adopted into His family, and that is amazing grace!
Our love and concern for our children is only a dim reflection of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. In Matthew 7:9-11, Jesus teaches: “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Our Father knows what’s best for us, as this poem so eloquently describes:
God Knows Best
Our Father knows what’s best for us,
So why should we complain ~
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain
We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer,
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear…
Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow,
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet tomorrow…
For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm,
And the sharp cut of the chisel
Gives the marble grace and form…
God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain
For every loss He sends to us
Is followed by rich gain…
And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent,
We will find no cause for murmuring
And not time to lament…
For our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain,
So He never sends us pleasure
When the soul’s deep need is pain…
So whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make our spirit strong.
~ Helen Steiner Rice
God’s timing is not our timing. Often, we are in a hurry and God is not. The waiting is the hardest, but never doubt that God is working in the waiting and His timing is always perfect. Wherever we go, whatever trials we are experiencing, whatever we’re waiting for, God is right there with us, arranging circumstances and people to receive His best.
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.”
That’s quite a promise! If the world is throwing a bit too much at you to handle, look up and take hold of your Father’s hand. He will help you! We are all adopted and every one of us has a good, good Father to celebrate this Father’s Day. Our Father knows best. Trust Him!
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